AH I cant believe I have let myself do this…I like him…crap. I hate how I do this just cause for once it would be nice to just have a guy who I can just keep as a friend and not start to have feelings for them. But I cant help it with him hes so wonderful and we talk like theres no tomorrow and I love the things we talk about I have never had so many real conversations in my life especially ones about God. At least not with a guy. And the way he makes me laugh or smile even when Im crying. And the way that he makes me feel pretty even when I have on no make up. The way he is around his family and the way his family loves me. When he sings with me or to me. The way he says I smell good. The way we joke like only we could joke. How hes so caring about everyone else and cares hardly about himself. The way he asked me if I think he should get his hair cut. The way I would go completely out of my way just to give him a ride home so we could spend more time together and talk just alittle longer. The way he looks out for me. The way we just click. The way we flirt. The way he knew exactly when and when not to put his arm around me tonight. How I will use any excuse to bring you up and tell a story about us and how stupid we are. I dont know I mean I know I like him that much is obvious and I know he likes me.

But there is this part of me that is scared to do anything because not only am I leaving for college soon but I dont want to hurt him like I have josh. I cant do that again. And Im scared to lose a close friend again. And hes younger than me and shorter than me haha even though that shouldnt matter. The way I would have no idea how to tell ALyse. I dont know I just dont know. I agree with him I like things the way they are now for now. Lets take our time hang out a little more one on one and see what happens. I mean I am still getting over josh and I need to mend that hole in my heart to make sure Im not just sticking him in that old place you know. He needs to start his own spot haha. AH I JUST DONT KNOW! I cant shake this jumbly feeling in my stomach I havent felt like this in a long time…AHHHH Haha I have a smile that I dont think will leave for a while….what a good fricken night and all we did was walk around and talk and joke and laugh and smile and danced in the rain haha o god I need to stop this is rediculous haha