well here i am. its strange that a year ago i was raving about this love that i had. let me just say a few things about all of that.

i know that it WAS love what we had. it WAS is the key word. i think that you can love people but if that love goes away then you know that it wasnt THE love you have been waiting for. and i want to make it clear that that person that i loved is no longer the person that he is. and as sad as that is that just wasnt in Gods plan for us. and i can say honestly that i am in a much better place right now then i was a while ago. i am trying to work through everything that happened with him but a part of me is still so mad that i let him take advantage of me just the way he said he never would. and i need to make a promise to myself that i REALLY will not let that happen with someone else. because i am tired of feeling like i was being walked all over. i need to find a better balance between over controlling and overly needy. and i know that that person is out there. and i trust that i will know when that person is in my life. right now i just need to take time to figure out what i need for myself and who i am. i feel like i am at a crossroads and i need to make some big decisions. i know that nick is a good guy. but he doesnt really KNOW me yet. and i hope that once he does know me he will accept me for my flaws that i have. the strange thing is that as scared as i am to tell him everything about myself i really want to tell him everything and i mean everything as in stuff that only charly and i knew. and thats a good feeling. i think its because i really want to be completely honest with him because i feel like he deserves that because thats what i would want from him. i just feel like everything is falling into place all in its own time and i love it. its all in gods hands and trust in his plan.

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