im so lost.

im so confused.

i feel hurt but for no reason.

i feel torn into a million pieces.

i cant lie to myself i wanted to kiss him.

i cant lie to myself it felt good to be in his arms again.

i cant lie to myself it felt good to look into his eyes again. 

but i dont want to be with him

i dont.

i cant.

i wont.

he hurt me in so many ways. and i will not let it happen again.

but im still holding on to these memories that cause me to still have these feelings like i do.

im confused because all this time i didnt think i was moving to fast and that i was ready.

but now i feel like to need to slow things down and take a step back.

but is that just because of what people are saying?!

or is it because thats what god really wants of me?!

im just so torn.

is god leading me to nick?

i felt with every bone in my body that he was leading me to charly.

but right now im just not sure about nick. that makes me hesitant.

it is terrible that i still have the tiniest feel like god MAY bring charly and i together again?!

i think thats why im torn. because i feel like if i feel like that at all i shouldnt get invovled with anyone especially nick. but i just dont know.

am i just scared to get hurt again?!

i just dont know what god wants from me in this.

i just need to spend more time praying and listening to him on this one.

“dont worry about tomorrow it will have enough worries of its own.”

Matthew 26.