im so done being second best. im done being left out. im done calling you my BEST friend. because you arent and havent acted like it in quite some time. you have no idea whats going on with me right now and i have no idea whats going on with you. im done. im not going to continue putting in the effort if you arent. seriously. i know i should have maybe spoke up but seriously whats the point. you KNOW things arent the same. and you have never once tried to make things like they used to be. why do i waste my time and energy. im done. dont get me wrong. were still friends. we will still hang out. but its just not the same anymore. and im sorry you pushed me away but i wont be there when lizzie drops you this fall. it sucks i thought you would be in my life forever but i would say things are slowly drifting away.

im just sick of this always losing best friends. i want to find someone that will stick with me. why am i so replaceable? ive always felt that way. there was only one person that has shown me otherwise and has told me otherwise. and he has broken my heart in two.

where am i supposed to go from here? i trust god. i know i will be taken where im meant to be. but i guess im just more ready for answers right now. i feel like i am being lead blindly and have been for a while. soo im kind of ready for some sort of reassurance. but i also know that God doesnt always work on our timeline. soo im kind of stuck and confused. i mean i guess im not confused. more just waiting. waiting for answers. for a person to show me they care about me. waiting for the man im supposed to marry. waiting for me to become the woman im supposed to be. waiting for people that will stick with me. waiting for people i can trust. waiting to show people the real me. im just waiting. waiting for life to move on from this stagnent point. waiting. waiting. thats all i can do now is wait. and heal. and work on me.

la