tonight i started thinking of how different things were a year ago. and even just how different i was a year ago or even just a few months ago. i was so sufficated not in the way that josh sufficated me but in the way that was more of an emotional suffication. he made me feel like i couldnt do anything without his approval. he continually shot me down and caused me to be so insecure. he almost made me lose touch with reality in a way and im so glad to have seen that now. im so glad to be out of that and im so glad i will now NEVER let someone do that to me again. i now know what i deserve from a guy and from the guy i want to give my heart to. there for i am now making a list of qualities i would like in the neext guy and hopefully the last guy. now im not saying that this list is something to live by because i know that God will bring me the perfect guy even if hes not "perfect" in the way of this list but i just think its important to write this stuff down with a clear mind will i have no guy to base them off of and it can just be honest.

i need a guy that will ask me how my day was.  someone who will let me be weak. someone who will "slap" me when i need it. someone who will see the small things in life. someone who will take chances with me and live life. someone who knows God truely or is well on their way to knowing God. someone who truely cares about others and helping others. someone who will know me inside and out and love me through my faults. someone who will help me to grow and grow with me. someone who support me in everything i do know matter how small it seems. someone who will nurture my spirit and not shut it down. someone who will know when im lieing and when im upset. someone who will not lie to me. someone who will want the world and find it in me.

i know that God will bless me with this man. whether he meets this list or doesnt even come close i know and trust that God will bring him to me. and i am waiting patiently and in anticipation. : ] i trust God with my heart and i trust taht God will put my heart in the right hands. and be there with us every step of he way. God has blessed me with a whole heart filled with joy right now and im so thank ful for that. life is moving in the direction its supposed to and im so blessed in so many ways. im so glad i went through what i did last year because i have grown and learned so much. i wouldnt change anything. life is short and im going to live it. and love like ive never been hurt.

la